Exploring both what's inside my mind and out

5.03.2013

Prayer

So its been 4 years since I kind of turned my back on religion. Or should I say organized religion. Not God, just those that profess him. Well, I guess God missed our conversations and brought a few too many stressors into my life so I had no choice but to talk with him. I've always loved Anne Lamotts writing. She has a way of sharing her faith without being in your face or throwing all that guilt around. I began to read her new book "help, thanks, wow". I threw out just the "help" prayer and you know what? I feel better. The stressors aren't gone but i feel calmer. I've also been doing some writing, here, and reading some other interesting books. I googled "how to handle getting old" and after much tweaking of the question, found this woman who has written several books. "Put old on hold", "no more little old ladies" and she recommended "bless the stress", cause it means your alive. So far they are fun and thought provoking books. And so, I'm beginning to feel like myself again. Thanks. Not quite to the wow stage but i feel it coming.

5.02.2013

Preparing

Ok, so I've gained back the 10 pounds I lost last year.  Argh.  Am preparing my mind to try to lose it again. 

I do that, prepare myself to begin something.  Excercise, eating, writing, whatever.  It can take me a few days of preparation and usually I'll start.  Usually.

I really want to make exercise a habit like brushing my teeth or putting in my contacts.  It would make my life so much easier in so many ways.

Trying to think of what I have been consistent on.  I consistently get my hair cut and colored.  I consistently go to work.  I consistently have a cup of coffee in the morning.

Otherwise, I'm not too consistent.  Not a habit creator or keeper.  Ok, not the good habits.  I have several bad habits.

What exercises do I like to do:
Yoga
Spinning
Weightlifting

So, if I can fit one session of each of these in a week, that's three sessions of exercise.  That's a good start I think.

I used to like to walk but by the time I get home at night, my calves are too tight and I hurt myself.

So, that is my goal for next week.  Three sessions of exercise.

Ta Da...

5.01.2013

Surreal

I was sorting through some cd's and cassette tapes, getting them ready for the goodwill and came across a cassette titled "Karl's Song".  Well I knew exactly what this was.  My Navy Storekeeper boyfriend, for a whole 3 weeks I think, came up with some music to pair with a poem I'd written.  Play me a Color.  Sappy.  Anyway, I recorded it.  He said his full name and where he was from on the tape.  Racine, Wisconsin.

What is surreal about this is that a month later I discovered I was pregnant with his child.  I found this out after he had been sent to California and I was in Wales, UK.  I had received one letter from him.  This a love story did not make.  I was 18, had just begun my Navy adventure and knew exactly what I was going to do.  There was no hesitation.

Funny thing was, I was already dating someone new.  He was extremly Catholic and not at all happy with my decision.  You know what, I told him, he had no say in the matter and I was appalled that he thought he did.

I often wonder where my gumption came from.  How was I so sure about the decisions I made at 18 and yet by 19, I was no longer sure?

I was rather independent and very strong in my convictions.  I kind of liked that girl.

My daughter and I were discusing the Meyers/Briggs personality traits.  I found out she is an introvert.  Really?  How'd that happen.  I'm an extrovert but I realize that I actually often have an internal fight between my extrovert self and my introvert self.  I was very shy as a child.  Then my mother married my step dad and he was very much an extrovert.  I think I became one too because of his example.

Oh and I now live about 3 hours from Karl's hometown.

Deep surreal thoughts.